oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
