THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
