Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
