Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
