Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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