Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
