I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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