Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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