Swine flu. Run for my life!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
