So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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