this boner is exhausting
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
