so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize