So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
