just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
