ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
