FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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