The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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