I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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