This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
