My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize