No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
