What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
