so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
