After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
