I wish i was in the wii world.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
