But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
