hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Who died my cat blue again?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
