Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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