Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
