I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
