I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
