I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
