'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
