Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
FUCK WHALES
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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