I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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