walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
