Sponge bath it is.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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