Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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