We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
