I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
