My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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