Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
