i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
