That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
