if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
