if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize