he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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