I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
