I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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