My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
