if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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