walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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