Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
