alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize