We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
