My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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