It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
