If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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