At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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