If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
