if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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