I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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