i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
