I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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