one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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