"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
