Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
