The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Let's get the cat blown out
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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