guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
