I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
